near the end

Well hello one and all, and sorry been away for sometime but will bring you all up to date on my life and how things or going.
Well its Sunday 14th Nov and I’m just watching the grand Prix which looks like is going to vettel and writing this update. Well I’m not sure where i left off last time but I’ll start from the last couple of week’s. Well been working with bro most days although the weather ain’t been to clever so not everyday as been good and if don’t work i don’t get paid so need to get some dry days next week. I still ain’t had the car done cant afford the repairs although nothing much light’s need aligning and the tyre drivers side needs replacing. although the passenger side one is close to legal requirement so might as-well get both done. I also need to get the braking balance done as 30% pull on front but that’s just dirty calipers so again not a big problem.Id say about £150 all in all and then just another mot test and re-tax so about £300 should cover the lot.

Well been only using the gear on Fridays mostly as now on a methadone script 60ml daily so is helping me stay clean although the gear is proper shit at the moment so that’s helping also. Not looking forward to Xmas as cant really afford it but will do all i can also lease is up on 28th Dec but wont be going anywhere until Jan at the least so all in all next couple of months going to be stressful for me.

Well Ive also opened up some accounts to flick r and ethenos which you’ll find some really good pictures Ive uploaded and ill also be doing some videos as go to the pub on a Friday with misses and bro and Doreen so been filming some vids with the phone so i will put on face-book and the sites Ive mentioned.Anyway I’m going to go for now and promise ill add more each day once finished work etc etc OK. Stay tuned for more info on my life and remember to leave comments if do look at blog and follow please.

3/8/10 I’m Back

Hi one and all
Well been away for a short while, not away as in prison or holiday, just figure of speech.So thought i’d bring you
up to speed on whats been happening.

Anyway been a good week,spent it working most days except friday as spend that day with misses, drive to pick up, then score bit of each which is our weekly treat. I do spend all week just on the juice(methadone) although still having to buy it as still no doctor down here as need a photo id to register with one. so wrote to the primary care trust to see if can assign me one then i can get on a methadone script with chertsy alcohol and drug clinic.

Well also got couple of friends on way over on boat from Guernsey so should be an heavy weekend, well that’s the excuse I’ll be using ha ha. No I’ll try to keep a lid on my using as doing so well to stay away from it on 6 days of the week, so don’t want to ruin the good work so far.

I must say that i’m happy with the way i’ve slowly got the life in order. before it was a total mess and had no direction. but now i work all days of week. I eat well and look healthy(first time in years), and have a lovely girlfriend whom i have been with for many years(seven now)so life as some shape to it. where as before i was about 9 stone, looking like shit, and spending everyday taking crack & heroin, plus my methadone which i was scripted for then.

Well in the last 4mths my brother Carl and Doreen have helped me get a bedsit, helped get a loan for my car and the insurance, and have given me a reason to live everyday with work. although its only 3/4 hours each day it all helps with the bills as use that money to pay insurance every month. my loan and phone and dongle as all contract. although let the last two get abit behind so will bring back up to date this week. And got to thank Carl as pay for insurance and loan for me then i just work that amount off so really does help me out.

Well got to get the car taxed soon so Carl been letting me borrow his until get that done, or will only get taken by the old bill if stopped without tax. but cant find mot document so awaiting that then will be able to get back behind the wheel of that.

So that’s you all brought back up to speed on whats been happening since last spoke. work rest and not alot of play, except my friday with the misses and the little treat. but saving so much money not doing the gear everyday nearly £150 a week, now just spending about £60 on friday so not bad aye!!!!!

so bye for now and will up date in few day’s.

conners) world (part2

Well I’ve mentioned about some of my life up to date and ill now keep adding my day to day events.
Anyway today as been like most of my days boring,( one reason why i keep going back to using drugs). I woke up this morning and had a hit then after getting ready i drove my mate Garth home as he stayed over last night.I then drove over to my Bros to collect some food as there going on holiday tomorrow so it would of only gone off so Doreen packed it all up for me to bring home.

After leaving my Bros i went and got a £25 bag which will do me for today then I’m going to spend as much of this week, just on the methadone. I think if i can take about 30ml a day that should stop me from being ill and also stop me from wanting gear(heroin). anyway I’ve now arrived back home and spent the first hour cleaning the place up as live so close to the main road. i get dust all over the fucking place so i had to give that a good dusting and hover. I’m now going to sit and have a fag and look on line for some parts for my Audi, nothing mauger just a plastic bracket for the electric window as broken so window don’t go up and down properly (un-even). and also looking for a window motor as i think the passenger one as broken cause not making any noise when press button. So apart from that not really doing much. mate just phoned to see if wanting to go up to London but said not good time to be driving into London, as now 4.45, so would hit rush hour.

So basically that’s my day so far, and ill let you know how rest of day goes abit later, when i give you an update, so bye for now and speak again to you soon OK.

conner peden’s MySpace Blog | MY LIFE…BY CONNER ROBERT PEDEN!!!!

hi all well starting from today im doing an exclusive on my life, and it’ll contain all there is about my unemployed life from morning until night. what i do all day, and what happens during those days and nights….
First abit about myself. Im 39 and live at the surbiton ymca. Well that started on monday before that i was living in my car, as i was un-able to get a flat/bedsit as they dont like to take people who claim the dole.
But now im at the ymca my life as become alot better. ill go back to living in my car and bring you up to speed fron then on okay. But ive got to move library as my time just run out and this place is packed with people awaiting there turn on the machine. so catch you all soon, and keep up to speed on my life in a car…… Im back!!!!!!
Well all you’ve been waiting for my life.
It’ll all started about three months ago, i had a big arguement with my brothers p****d up girlfriend, and she decided to throw me and my missess out on to the street. So after trying to seek help in getting accomodation with housing, probation as on licence from prison, and homeless shelters it was all to no avail so last resort was reached sleep in car, thinking it wouldn’t be long before we found somewhere. I say we as my girlfriend didn’t want to be away from me either, as she’d just waited 11mths, whilst i finished my prison sentence, well remand.
Anyway we used to park up in the evening down by the river in kingston or surbiton but it wasn’t very private and to be honest, abit embarrasing. But we did find a secluded spot in tolworth behind the industrial estate. so every night we’d park up there and listen, either to the radio, or do the crossword puzzles from the paper. But as time went on the police started shaking us down all the time so we moved on to greener pasters.
Now the journey took us to a cemetry in mitchim, which i must admit was abit more to our liking as we’re able to wash better as they had toilets with hot running water and sinks. Although my missess could shower at work everyday which was handy for her, well both of us really, until management started moaning about non staff in and out the building, but we never informed them of her situation as felt it was neither none of their business and didn’t really make a difference if they did know.
Anyway back to the cemetery. It was a good little place and we got to be known by the caretaker who would lock up every night even though we were there, but he knew we could let ourselves in and out as we pleased, and there was abit of vandalism so we could keep an eye open for them, so it was a good understanding in that sense..
More tomorrow…..
Im back.
We’ll picking up from where i left off yesterday. Well now that we’ve got somewhere to park up during the night the cemetery seemed like a good spot, and convient for the washrooms/toilets. But all good things have to come to an end,and again the police started harrassing us with their stop and search policies, So time to move on again.
But before i do move on let me enlighten you on a few things that happened in that period ive spoken about already. Well i got nicked for making off without paying for fuel, even though id left my bank card and id, name and contact number with the garage, and also been back and paid the £5. I got lifted for shop-lifting £13 of groceries. I was also arrested for affray which again came to nothing, so all in a policeman’s good days work aye.
Well i also try’d to apply for a crisis loan recently, to obtain some winter clothing, and cooking stove and utensils. Only to be told that it wasn’t considered an emergency the situation i was in. Being unable to cook or dress myself properly. And needing blankets and sleeping bag was considered not important. Well i would like to see those people who decide these things to sit in a car for 1 night with only a thin blanket, no hot water to make a drink, and let them then tell me that theres no need for all the things i asked for, or that it was needed.
Thats the problem with these decision maker’s, they think the money comes out of their own wallets, but its money i have to pay back. And i always have done so in the past…
Well again running out of time on this session so will come back to you shortly on my withdrawn funding to go into rehab, you’ll like this one, and they say people who try and help themselves gain a better life. Well thats a joke let me tell you……
Well here i go again….
Now looking back over what ive already wrote i have missed alot of things out. But due to the memory not being what it was ill fill things in as they come to me. or if you want to leave any questions i will try to answer them as best i can, and how truefully possible..
Anyway im now in the y.m.c.a, so life’s got just that little bit better. it cost £198 a week and you get breakfast and evening meal thrown in also. You have access to computers and washing machines. Also a full gym is available to use off peak times. So all in all its a damn sight better then sleeping in a car (corsa).
Well today ive spent most of it in library, but it started off as follows. I awoke this morning around 7.30am and went down and got myself and my girlfriend (amanda) breakfast. 4 toast on brown bread. a bowl of cornflakes for moir. and a bowl of rice crispies for amanda.Although its not easy getting stuff for amanda as the room is a single and meant for me only. But rules are there to be bent a little and im born to bend them.
After breakfast, washed,dressed and dropped amanda off at work. She’s an artist with the gaurdian. and i would also like to praise her on the strength to be able to maintain work even under the harsh difficulty’s we we’re living. As that does take alot of hard worl to do. Then i popped into the library to check out my e-mail’s. And also see what survey’s i had to fill out today. Which i get paid a small amount for doing, but it’s paid in voucher’s so i’ll save them up until xmas and use them to purchase the essentials then.
I then drove amanda to the bank at dinner so she could attend her meeting for a small loan, which holding fingers crossed for. It’s mainly to pay off those robbers we call phone company’s, with there little hidden charges that they dont seem to mention until you have a efty bill, and stuck in there conveneint 18mth contract. So basically we’re paying for phone’s £30mth for something unable to use as got lines suspend until that nioce bill is paid.. Well ive run out of time now as library is about to close, so until tomorrow.
Good night and god bless you all…..
Well its now thursday and what a day ive had. Got up at 7.30am and got the usual breakfast for me and amanda, cereal. Then done my usual drive to north cheam to drop amanda off at work then went to court. theft from car, stereo. and going equipped, broken spark plug. And for use who dont quite understand the perpose of that it is, so im lead to believe used to gain entry in cars by throwing at the window, and breaking it, into millions of little bits,.But causing no noise and the window to stay intact.
Anyway after sitting around until 11.30 i had the case put off for a week so could seek legal advice, and also this is a good chance to get the rehab ive try’d to obtain for the lst 4mths. so ill tell you about that, if not already done so..
Well about 4mths ago i went to a place called cdat, which is a drug and alcohol team. I informed them i would like to go into rehab to cure my herion/crack addiction. I went for my funding meeting, and was told i had to give two clear samples(urine).
About a week later i gave my first sample which was herion free, but still had traces of charlie(cocaine). but taking into account that it takes a good 7/14 days for these substances to leave your body. My second test came back clear of both h/c but showed cannabis which was not a problem. Now during this time i was sleeping in the corsa so found sleep hard to come by. So one night i used a valium(20mg). Now remember ive been a registered addict since the age of 14yrs, and although i have been clean for periods of time during my life,and possibly my 15yrs of prison on and off, to be clean in a short space of time and stay clean was an achievement in its self.
Now this didn’t seem to matter to this one person at cdat. As on one occasion i was given 3 days work with the assurance of full-time work once out of rehab. So i had to miss my day for another sample, remember that id given 4 clear samples of my problem drugs. but im then told that i should of turned the work down and come and pissed in a cup instead. And because of this my funding was being withdrawn and my methadone script stopped. leaving me with no choice but to start using again to prevent sickness.
Now i know you all may think i may of been in the wrong, but i swear to you now i put alot of work into those month’s to stay clean and even drove over a 100miles to bournemouth to see the rehab and get a feel of which i believed, would soon be, my new home. But now im hoping this fourthcoming court case can be used to get a rehab order given by the judge, as i aint given up hope of doing this rehab and getting off this shit once and for all. And to start living a normal life without it being controlled for me by the h/c…
I dont want people to look at this blog and think im feeling sorry for myself, because im far from that. I just want to explain to people what it’s like to live your life controlled by the dreaded heroin and the crack..And i hope that i can give you insight into this by what i can place down for you all to read, and see through my word’s…
Well got to go has time running out. So until tomorrow….NIGHT!!!
Good day to you all out there who’s taking an intrest in what my life is all about, Well got to catch you up as today is monday and didnt fill out any over the weekend so here goes…
Saturday;after being awoken by the sound of music coming from the high street, (street carnival) Saturday started off with going to get breakfast for me and amanda, again cereal and hot drinks. Then after getting up and getting ready to hit the big wide world, i realised id locked the keys in the car. so after spending about half hour getting in with the help of a coat hanger and bit of 2 by 4, the day went like this.
Went to scope to pick up our juice(methadone) i get 70ml and manda 40mls. We went and got the shopping in from sainsburys, which is a result as live right next to it. Then we walked the high-street so i could put my football bets on for the weekends match’s,and so amanda could get her shampoo’s and other women stuff from the various shops that women have to attend to get this stuff.
Now once we put all this stuff in door’s we stayed in and done washing and kicked back and relaxed for the rest of the day and night.
Sunday; Well once awake we skipped breakfast and had sex instead, and since weekend is the only days amanda gets off work we had a lie in and just watched the usaul morning programs, hollyoaks, t4 and the rest. Then once up and about we took a nice leasurely drive to guildford to see family and do a spot of shopping. we both got my ourselves trainer’s and the odd bit’s and bob’s, deoderant’s,flannels,etc etc. Then we popped and seen some of my family bro and sis.And then came home and just chilled for the night, although i did get some h to do in the night, but rest of weekend stayed clear of all drug’s.
Monday; Well dropped amanda off at work then went and scored £25 worth. After having an hit i at to goto job-centre has my giro wasn’t paid into bank on friday because few weeks ago had to change my c/o address has person’s who’s i use had gone on holiday, so wanted me to give them another temp one, so used my other bro’s in tolworth. But was told could only do this for 2 week’s. well because they hadn’t changed it back when told to last week, stopped giro until i told them to do it today, so now got to wait for giro until friday, maybe later.
And the thing about all this is ive now got to go without that money until then, and thats fine in there eyes, because their not the ones who have to live without money.
Anyway i spent the rest of today so far on the net, or checking my e-mails and filling in survey’s, oh and did the white’s in washing. So now just waiting to see case worker and have dinner, then go pick amanda up from work. Oh forgot to say what happened when got into car this morning, some bloke started screaming and shouting about parking in the road has it belonged to him, silly cunt. couldn’t believe it. Then when i started to shout back, about the way he was acting, he had the front to ask why i was shouting. so just told him to get stuffed in the end, well thats the polite way of telling you what i actaully said, ha! ha!
Anyway got to slide for now has case worker needs to see me and dinner is served at five. So until next time, be safe, and respect those who respect you……
Good afternoon readers. Well what a boring day it’s been so far. got up and went and got me and missess brekkie. Then after taking amanda to work, i had to go and open a bank account ,as only got post office one. And thats crap cause can only get money out when open, also cant pay anything in except giro’s.
Once id done that went and picked up amandas script and popped and picked up abit of shopping. Then had to go to police station at 1pm to get stereo back they took out of car last week when arrested for theft, which only two days left before court. Then went and put my bet on for the day, round robin. So far only 1 first 3/1 and a third which is no good, so last race is at 4.10 so fingers crossed all.
Anyway not much more to say at moment, but will fill in the rest of todays activitys later, but if you want to leave any questions about anything ive wrote then please feel free to do so and i will answer them for you okay…..
Hiya all , well sorry been away for so long but been rushed off my feet. Anyway catch up on last couple of days.
Well got court case put off for another two weeks so not to bad although would like to get it over with so know where stand. Also got to answer bail today for shop lifting so will fill you all in on that once back from police station.
Well all good this end, got myself a digi box weekend and also a new dvd player for my room, so well happy with that. Also things good with the staying clean, only done gear on friday so avoided rest of weekend and mon/tues so happy with that. Now hopefully going to get to rehab through the court then wont have problems finding the funding has will get paid for has judge ordered it, so keeping fingers crossed for that to happen.
Anyway just getting the washing out the way so thought id just fill in the gaps from last time i was on line, so will be back a bit later as need to burn some music onto disc and phone, so until then bye!!!!!
Well hello to one and all. Well sorry been away for so long but will bring you up to speed on my life over the last week. Well went to answer bail this week got charged with theft of a bottle of coke, and affray has said i made threats towards the security staff and they feared for their safety. what a load of b-shit. They just shit themselves when i told them to go away.
But that really is a serious charge and could be in alot of trouble if the judge/jury believe them has that holds about 2/4 years. But hopefully the law see them for the lier’s they our and prove i never made any threats of violence, god i aint got a single violent crime on my record in 39 years. I believe in getting on with all.
Anyway well just let the jury deal with that has i will take it to trial has it is totally bullshit and if i did do what they said, then why did they give all different stories to the police. And out of say about 7 people only the security gaurd is the only person who said i made threats, no one else heard me say anything.. But ill have faith in my solicitor to prove that he is telling lies.
Anyway not much as happened this week, oh got my money from job centre at last, well say at last should be in account on tuesday, £206 thats what they owed me in the end. Said it was down to back log. Well thats okay if you’ve got money to live but when you have to wait 3 weeks for it, thats when it becomes a joke.
Well fantasy footie went okay yesterday, plenty clean sheets and henry scored for me, and defence all played well. Pompey won, clean sheet, got 5 players there. henry scored arsenal clean sheet, 2 players. chelsea clean sheet, won, 2 players. zamora and woodgate only players to drop points for me but only 1 each, so all good…
Anyway must go for now as need to walk to garage and get some burn. So speak to you all soon conner……
Hello all… Well sorry been neglecting you all but its been a pain in the ass trying to get to the library and the ymca as put a bar on theirs so cant load fuck all on them..
Anyway went to court last week been charged with shoplifting and affray which have all been sent to crown has gone not guilty on the later of the two charges. also back again on thursday for theft from car and going prepared, so going to get that sent with rest has another bull-shit charge.
Well been staying off the gear most days although had a bit today but will stayu clear now for as long as possible, well until i want to really but trying so hard to avoid all together.
Well all good with me and amanda and place at ymca is still goinmg good although the place is rules after rules. but all good in life at mo licence has nearly run out with prison so hopefully can avoid the recall and get all things put off until after december. Well not much more to say at mo so speak to you all again soon yeah….
Well look whos back.
Anyway its been a long time since i spoke to you all so better fill you all in on whats been happening in my life lately.
Well still waiting to go to court for the affray, but not worried about that at all, big joke. Also up in court tomorrow for failing to attend but never received date so should just get commited to crown on 29/01/07.
Had a bit of a bad start to new year, found sister in law dead from od. Try’e to help bro get her back but did not sucedd so died in hospital next day, although was being kept alive by machine. so got to go funeral soon.
Well drug use still to a minamum, but could be better. And still homeless although we stay in bb has often has we can, so would appreciate any help in finding a landlord that will allow dss, so can get a long term place until get own place sorted. feel free to leave message on sight, thank you all.
Also any cheap bb that wouldnt mind giving us single room so cheaper for us. Has dont mind sharing bed as couple. also both very clean and well mannered. Did get a good up bringing so no worrys there aye.
Anyway must sign off until next time, so all help needed by all who do read, if any that is. bye for now conner.
Well its tuesday and just got out of court, bailed until 29th at crown for pleas and ds. Still things got worse today had courtesy car has amanda wrecked ours but waiting for £2000 insurance has right off, but took back car today leaving us empty handed. Also sent other car to scrap with brand new stereo and speakers in it so better sort that out. Trying to say should have original one in but what does it matter if stereo in it or not, dickheads.
Well going to try get bb today has just got £213 back from giro lost/stolen back in sept 06 so that will help us out alot. Well speak to you all soon and do leave so comments guys and dolls….
Well look whos back.
Anyway its been a long time since i spoke to you all so better fill you all in on whats been happening in my life lately.
Well still waiting to go to court for the affray, but not worried about that at all, big joke. Also up in court tomorrow for failing to attend but never received date so should just get commited to crown on 29/01/07.
Had a bit of a bad start to new year, found sister in law dead from od. Try’e to help bro get her back but did not sucedd so died in hospital next day, although was being kept alive by machine. so got to go funeral soon.
Well drug use still to a minamum, but could be better. And still homeless although we stay in bb has often has we can, so would appreciate any help in finding a landlord that will allow dss, so can get a long term place until get own place sorted. feel free to leave message on sight, thank you all.
Also any cheap bb that wouldnt mind giving us single room so cheaper for us. Has dont mind sharing bed as couple. also both very clean and well mannered. Did get a good up bringing so no worrys there aye.
Anyway must sign off until next time, so all help needed by all who do read, if any that is. bye for now conner.

I’m Backkkkkkkkkkkkk
Hi one and all well ive got so much more to catch you up on some ill do my best to do so and not repeat myself to much.

Well still ain’t been to court for the affray, its now been scheduled for feb 5th 08 so that would mean been nearly 2yrs. (what a joke), and this is what they call the great british justice system.

Well i think i was either going to re-hab when last spoke or just come out, either way i fucked it up and got thrown out after 14days, offensive language. I was awoken at 12pm and order’s to give a breath test, and got the hump and a few bad words came out my mouth. Sp thats the reason they need to give me the boot, although i was having 20 grand a month being pay’d for me they still claimed it all for that month even though on 14 days.

Well me and amanda,( my other-half) did has you may remember spend nearly a year living and sleeping in the corsa we have now got into community housing but that tenancy runs out on the 31st april 09. which then hopefully we then get given our own council house/flat. Keeping fingers well crossed..

Well my eldest bro got his place this week along with his long term missess, about 25/30yrs i think been together but they’ve waited nearly 10yrs to get that place so not holding breath. Although being in supported housing does help, because they do all they can to find you suitable accommodation on nearing your lease and i do bid with kingston council every wednesday.

Anyway just going to eat some food my sweet hearted girlfriend as made for me so speak to you soon. so Until then, don’t go away, much much more to come. bye for now conner……
Hi all im back.
Well sorry not updated you for a while so got lots to tell you. Well me and amanda have started to get stuff together so can build our web site, called “drug’s and alcohol” a parent’s guide.It basically tells you all you need to know about drug’s from the harm they cause to the laws on them.
I also have included the info on the slang names and how there used. We’ve added picture content so people can view all the fact’s and see what the drug look’s like, and also, we’ve covered every type of drug on the market and also added the fact’s behind hiv, hep a,b,c and aids.
So it’s going to be up and running asap and it.s on the beep.com web site but we’ll let you know when it’s closer to the time.
Anyway im still taking the gear but not so much now. Im still on 50mg of methadone but dont really collect everyday has no insurance and got stopped couple weeks ago and got on the spot fine 200 and 6 points on the licence which im hoping cant be inforced as ive got a guernsey licence which cant be pointed.
amanda’s still on 45mg of methadone(juice) also, but again not picking up daily. Been waiting 6 weeks for my j.s.a to be prossesed, phoned today and didnt even have the paper work luckly had it all on file so said should be in bank by mid-week. At least it will be a nice fat one so got to pay few bill’s then get shopping done and get a couple of xmas presents and tree and deco’s.
Anyway going to sort self out, so will start keeping you up to speed more often now go the comp set up and working like a dream at home. So all take care and be back in morn. laterz conner/amanda

early years intro

Introduction;

Hello to all those’s of you that choose to read this. My name is Conner and I’m 42. I live in woking surrey and i;m currently unemployed. I have two children, Theo & Leon. And a partner Amanda. I’m the 5th oldest out of a family of 6, (brother’s) Steven, Carl & Marlon. (sister’s) Dominique & Kim. My mum’s name is Delia, and my father name is Robert, whom incidentally left when i was 3 mths old so i was raised by my step-dad Alvaro. And i was raised in Guernsey channel islands.

So that’s the intro over now onto my life story, as it’s been so far, which I’ll try to be as accurate as possible.
Well like i said i grew up in a big family household although alot of my sibling’s all left home for greener pastures (UK) when i was still quite young. My early years where the same as any normal persons early years so i wont bore you with them and i shall begin about the age of 14yrs.

I enjoyed my schooling years and did quite well educationally although i gained most of my qualifications when i left school and in prison. At 14yrs i spent most of my days doing what kids did. playing footie, going cinema and chasing girls, but i did start to get into trouble with the law and was placed under a fit persons order and placed into the children’s home. A fit’s persons order is when they say your parents or unable to control you, and this was mostly because of my early brushes with the law, and not because my mother couldn’t look after me properly.

Well once in the children’s home i began to take control of things and became a bit of a leader with the other kid’s so spent alot of this time encouraging them to abscond and the general run of the mill things. It’s now i meet my first long term girlfriend Allison Newton who i spent all hours god could send to me. It’s also now i started to experiment with substance’s mainly glue sniffing, which was the in thing at the time. And of cause along with the sniffing came more brushes with the law, but the punishments where not severe as the children’s home would deal with them rather then the courts, depending on the crimes committed. I also became a father for the first time but not with Allison, but ironically it was with another girl called Allison and we had a baby boy Leon. I was just 15 at the time but we did become involved in a relationship although it only lasted a couple of years.

Well i spent over 3yrs in the home and became more & more out of control, and more & more into trouble so it was invertible that i would soon start to end up in front of a judge, and my first prison sentence 9ths for burglary (non dwelling). Although this was my 1st sentence it wasn’t really that bad as i lived on an island so nearly all of the people in there where either friends or acquaintances. so i had to serve 6ths out the 9 which was piss easy, but was going to turn out to be one of many sentence’s, and the shortest.

16yrs to 21

Well 16yrs was a year after leaving school, and also the home. So i was now free to live my life how i wanted to, not how i was told too. it’s now i started going to night club’s and pub’s and really doing what i would call the normal thing’s in life. And it’s now i also started using the more harder substance’s, cocaine and speed with the Ecstasy coming a few more years later. I used to also take the odd LSD tab and was a follower of the underground rave scene, so spent alot of my weekends smashed on one drug or another.

My old partner Allison had by now moved on with the nipper, so i was in and out of relationship’s, or should i say casual flings. but i soon became bored of this and that’s when i started seeing another long term partner Vanessa, although i was now about 19yrs. I spent about 5 yrs with Vanessa and did enjoy those years but like all good thing’s they must come to an end, and that’s when i moved to the UK for a short spell to stay with one of my brother’s (Carl) and his partner (Doreen), this being also another one of my many moves in life backwards and forwards to the UK.

Well i first moved to south fields, south London and spent about 3yrs there before returning back to Guernsey. Whilst away the drug scene had moved onto the garage scene which i must admit i enjoyed enormously. and this is when my Ecstasy use lead to the heroin and crack cocaine, and of course many prison sentence’s. I was arrested for being knowingly concerned in the importation of a class a drug and found guilty and sentenced to 3yrs imprisonment, of which i served two. I was released and went back to my old ways with the garage scene, which was by now starting to wind down. And it was now i meet Naomi who would become the mother of my second child Theo.

Well i spent many years with Naomi and we raised our boy together, until my criminal ways ended me back up in trouble. This time it was for being in per cession of a class b drug, cannabis, and was sentenced to four and a half years in prison. It was whilst in prison that my relationship with Naomi broke down and i started to write to another girl, i would spend many years with.

21yrs up to date

Well i’ve now left prison and have started seeing Kerry. life was looking up. we brought an house, and i had some sort of stability in my life, but most of all i was finally settled and secure. This was one of the reasons i think my life was so cahotic, because i was always unsettled, living as each day took me. i spent many years with Kerry and although i had everything, in life, most people would be happy with, there was something missing. but i could never work-out what it was.

Well i soon fell out of love with Kerry, don’t get me wrong she really was a great and wonderful person, whom would of done anything for me. But i just wasn’t happy deep down and knew it was un-fair on her to pretend i was. But i didn’t want to end the relationship in fear of hurting her, so i try’d all i could to make her walk away. Now some people may look at that as the cowards way out, but i looked at it, as saving someones heart. someone who truely loved me and cherished the ground i walked on.

But try as i may she just wouldn’t walk away and it took another big prison sentence to come to my rescue, although rescue seems to be abit to strong a word. So there i was again back in prison but cant really remember what for this time only that it was for 3yrs this time. Well i decided that i wasn’t going to waste the next 2yrs of my life just sitting back and doing fuck all,so i done my gcse’s, in both, English and Math’s.of which i gained b+ in both and was reward with a night out to a Shakespeare play, midsummer’s night dream. I was escorted by one of the officer’s but this was Guernsey prison and i must have drunk 3 pints of bitter (yuk, but although didn’t like) it would of had to be half pint’s of beer, and i was taking full advantage of the situation. and to be honest, i was the one who had earned it aye. And i must say thanks to Mr (knobby) Clark as the evening would of been very boring if id pulled one of the other officers to take me. Although the outcome would of been the same with at least 80% of them.

So back on the road again and spending that first night like anyone else would of done, if they’d been away for 2yrs, on the tiles. Its this very night i meet Shelly carbbery, and another relationship begins until i move to UK. But not before being re-called to prison, for calling my probation officer i dick head and telling him a few home truth’s about himself. and I’m sure if he ever by chance did read this, Mr crisp (Stuart), he’d agree that he was out of order. But it was only a 3mth re-call and lets face it i’d done longer in the back of police vans. So like i said it was time to move away from my little rock Guernsey and start anew in the UK. a place i’d spent most of my life also back and forth too.

First stop, worcesterpark to Carl and Doreen,who had always been there for most of my other many returns to the uk. Then i would sneak off to get the herion, something i used to not let any of my family know about. It’s so hard to avoid something that you like doing , unlike Guernsey when it’s hard to get an hold of, and so fucken expensive £250 gram. so you either sold it to pay for your habit or went and got it yourself. And the punishment for getting caught either way is alot of years. (example) 2oz 6+ years importation, supplying say 4+ minimum. so here i was without the threat of those things, and being able to buy it when i needed it, and could afford it.

So life is doing okay and I’m enjoying it. This is when i meet my recent long term relationship Amanda whom i have now been with for 6 years+ now, and as always stuck by me through thick and thin, plus some more prison sentence’s. And who i’ll be mentioning alot from now on as alot of my life from here onwards involves Amanda greatly. So life’s treating me good and then along comes the life wrecker CRACK COCAINE.
Yes that’s right this shit as caused me so many problems. it nearly cost me my relationship. fuck knows how Amanda put up with the shit i was doing, i really don’t know. it cost me my freedom, again twice. And it just makes you look and feel like shite, something i really do avoid now.

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near the end

Well hello one and all, and sorry been away for sometime but will bring you all up to date on my life and how things or going.
Well its Sunday 14th Nov and I’m just watching the grand Prix which looks like is going to vettel and writing this update. Well I’m not sure where i left off last time but  I’ll start from the last couple of week’s. Well been working with bro most days although the weather ain’t been to clever so not everyday as been good and if don’t work i don’t get paid so need to get some dry days next week. I still ain’t had the car done cant afford the repairs although nothing much light’s need aligning and the tyre drivers side needs replacing. although the passenger side one is close to legal requirement so might as-well get both done. I also need to get the braking balance done as 30% pull on front but that’s just dirty calipers so again not a big problem.Id say about  £150 all in all and then just another mot test and re-tax so about £300 should cover the lot.

Well been only using the gear on Fridays mostly as now on a methadone script 60ml daily so is helping me stay clean although the gear is proper shit at the moment so that’s helping also. Not looking forward to Xmas as cant really afford it  but will do all i can also lease is up on 28th Dec but wont be going anywhere until Jan at the least so all in all next couple of months going to be stressful for me.

Well Ive also opened up some accounts to flick r and ethenos which you’ll find some really good pictures Ive uploaded and ill also be doing some videos as go to the pub on a Friday with misses and bro and Doreen so been filming some vids with the phone so i will put on face-book and the sites Ive mentioned.Anyway I’m going to go for now and promise ill add more each day once finished work etc etc OK. Stay tuned for more info on my life and remember to leave comments if do look at blog and follow please.